Kindness With A Purpose

 I don’t like “random acts of kindness”.

Don, are you insane? Random acts of kindness are terrific. They make me feel so good! What possible problem do you have with this?

Now the kindness part is excellent. It’s the randomness that I object to. Selecting someone at random to be kind to doesn’t make much sense to me.

The random acts of kindness you hear the about the most is someone paying for someone’s meal or coffee in the drive-thru line. But the receivers are chosen at random, with no consideration at all of need.

Yes, it may be fun to do, and it makes the giver and receiver feel good for a while, but it lacks purpose. And it’s more charity, than kindness. So, if you labeled these “random acts of charity”, it really loses its zing, doesn’t it? Few people would write a check and send it to a random, unnamed organization. And we shouldn’t be kind to people, just because it’s fun.

I much more prefer “purposeful acts of kindness”. This concept can be summarized in six words:

See the need – Meet the need

See the need – Meet the need

See the need – Meet the need

Even though the concept is simple, actually doing it the hard part. It’s not difficult to meet most of the needs you encounter. In those random acts of kindness, you are meeting a need that probably doesn’t even exist. In purposeful acts of kindness, the challenge is being able to see the real needs. This can be very tough to accomplish.

To see the needs, you must change your mindset. You must train your eyes to look for the needs. Those needs are all around us every day, but we don’t see them because we don’t look for them. Many of the needs are financial, but some aren’t.

The best example of this is THE MAN, whose time on earth could be broadly characterized as traveling around, seeing people’s needs, then meeting people’s needs. He could even see the needs that people didn’t  realize they had. Of course, he had supernatural perception to see the needs and unlimited ability to meet them.

But still, we must ….                                                            

See the need – Meet the need

See the need – Meet the need

See the need – Meet the need

Seeing the needs does not come naturally to us. It is a learned behavior. It requires us to approach life with our eyes wide open. It’s one of those frustrating things in life where I clearly know what I need to do, but often fail to do so. Personally, I do much better seeing the needs when I have time to process the situation. I don’t respond well, quickly, in the moment.

Here are two personal examples:

Several years ago, I was having breakfast at a Denny’s on a Sunday morning in Columbus, Ohio, after attending a wedding the previous night. It happened to be Father’s Day, and as I am eating, I notice a man arriving with his two young sons. I’m guessing the oldest being around five years of age.

I imagine they are nearby residents in the inner-city. The mother isn’t present. Now, this could be just a “boys” only event”, but sending a guy out with two young sons can be an adventure. Maybe he’s a single father. Perhaps this is a weekend visitation thing. Regardless, in a culture when men routinely abandon their young children and shirk their responsibilities, this guy had made a choice to take his two young sons out for breakfast on Father’s Day.

See the need – That guy should be rewarded for his effort.

We walked by their booth on the way out. I stopped, smiled, looked at everyone, placed a $20 bill on the table. Said, “Happy Father’s Day! Breakfast is on me”, and left.  Meet the need.

Oh yes, that looks so impressive Don, but let’s move on to example two:

Earlier this year (before social distancing), I was standing in line at the service counter at a grocery store, waiting to mail a package. The elderly lady in front of me at the counter was having some type of dispute with the clerk over a charge.

I could only make out bits of the discussion, but it was the type of dispute we all have been involved in. We think we have been unfairly charged and owed money back, but the store policy dictates we are not getting a refund. The amount in question was under $12. The older woman, of course, kept stating her case and becoming more agitated. The young clerk continued to repeat company policy, growing exasperated. I, was becoming impatient, having to wait until this debate ended, knowing my exchange would only take a minute to complete. Finally, the woman left upset because she didn’t get any money back.

I was still thinking about this encounter as I walked back to my car, when I realized I had failed to see the need, and subsequently failed to meet the need.

As soon as I ascertained the amount of money in dispute was minor, I could have intervened, gave the older woman $12, or even $20, if I didn’t have the exact amount, and wished her a nice day.

Instead of her being upset for the next few days and telling all her friends how horribly she was treated by that young, uncaring clerk, she would have been joyous she got her $12 back. And the clerk would also be happy that she did not upset an elderly customer by enforcing a store policy, which may not even have been fair in this instance.

In this case, I failed to see the need, even as it played out right in front of my face. And because I failed to see the need, I didn’t meet the need.

See the need – Meet the need

See the need – Meet the need

See the need – Meet the need

In part two, I will offer you a trick to help – see the need – this Christmas season.