Listen To Those Voices

Yes, we need to pursue our dreams – the subject of my previous post. But which dreams are worthy of chasing? Well, there was a clue in that post that you probably overlooked. When I suggested that Shantelle consider doing some modeling, her response was literally, “I get that a lot.”

So, numerous people are presenting Shantelle with the same idea. What should she do?

People are always offering us ideas or suggestions. How do we tell which ones are valid?

These ideas/suggestions fall into three categories:

-         Really Good/No-Brainers

These are excellent ideas that you know are winners the moment they hit your ears. Sometimes they are so evident that you can’t believe you never thought of that. You enthusiastically thank the person for their wisdom and take the recommended action as soon as possible.

-         Really Bad/No-Brainers

These are bad ideas. Sometimes really bad ideas, that would fail miserably with possibly harmful consequences. The person offering them either doesn’t understand the situation or may be a bit dim-witted. You nod, smile, and say “that’s interesting,” and hope the subject never comes up again. 

-         The Unknowns/Possibles

These ideas could be good or could be bad. You may have considered them in the past. You may have even tried them previously with little success. These ideas tend to be more complex and may take time, effort, or resources to implement. You can’t determine if you should try the idea because it is a question of the risks versus the rewards.

Making Decisions About The Unknowns

We tend to automatically dismiss the Unknowns because we instinctively focus on the risks rather than the rewards. “I could try that, but I would need to this, this, and this, and it probably wouldn’t work.” Therefore, the first time the idea is suggested it is considered, but quickly dismissed.

However, when a second person suggests the same idea, it is worthy of greater consideration. But the risks are still there, and the rewards are still unknown, so I still usually dismiss the idea at this point.

A third suggestion by another person changes the game, though. Three people telling me the same thing is my tipping point. Instead of thinking of reasons why the idea won’t work, I change my perspective and ask myself, “How can I make this work?” It is wonderful what happens when you look at things from a different angle, exploring the possibilities rather than the pitfalls. After doing this, I usually can develop a strategy for trying the idea.

Therefore, in these cases, I implement a “Rule of 3”. If three people tell me the same thing, then I am going to assume there is merit in the idea. Remember, often, the CREATOR speaks to us directly through other people when we are too busy, stubborn, distracted, fearful, or in denial of the truth right in front of our face.

It Also Works In Reverse

Unfortunately, this “Rule of 3” works in reverse. If one person criticizes you for something, we quickly dismiss it by thinking: He’s stupid, he’s biased, he’s jealous, he doesn’t like me, etc. But when a third person says, “Bill, you’re really being selfish here,” those people, even if they are your enemies, probably have a point, and you may need to work on that personal deficiency.

Listen, Then Act

The Rule of 3 in Shantelle’s case means she should put together a portfolio and send it to a modeling agency. In your life, follow this Rule of 3. If three people tell you the same thing, they probably can see something you can’t. Listen to what they are saying; then go for it!

 

 

 

 

 

Go For It!

 I first met Shantelle at an author fair a few years ago. Her table was near mine, and we had a brief conversation about the local author’s group that I lead. I got her email address so I could invite her to the monthly meetings. She impressed me as an intelligent, beautiful young woman. She also had a unique hairstyle featuring many complicated long braids.

Fast forward to almost two years later. I am at a networking event, and I see a group of three women new to the group. I introduce myself to the first two, but when I introduce myself to the third, she breaks out into a big smile and giggles loudly.

“Oh, Don! You know who I am. We’ve met before.”  

I study her intently while my brain is spinning for some recollection who she is. I end up just standing there, clueless. 

“I’m Shantelle! she exclaims as the giggling resumes.

Of course, I’m much embarrassed, believing that my fading memory has failed me once again. I apologize profusely, glad that she is amused and not offended by my faux pas.

I strike up a conversation with her and her friends when it suddenly hits me why I failed to recognize her.

“Wait! Your hair! Your hair is totally different! That’s why I didn’t recognize you!” I blurt out, interrupting the discussion.

Now the giggles are replaced by hearty laughter by all the women.

“Yes, it’s very different than it was when we first met,” she admits.

We become Facebook friends soon afterward, which hopefully helps my memory when I see Shantelle the next time. It was quickly apparent by Shantelle’s posts that her hair is one of her hobbies. She changes her hairstyle frequently. However, regardless of the various styles, there is one constant. If every photo, she remains strikingly beautiful.

I messaged her: Have you ever thought about doing some modeling?

Her response: People tell me that all the time, lol, but I’ve never pursued it.

I’ve encouraged Shantelle to put together a portfolio and submit it to an agency. She has not done it yet, but I hope she does, because:

YOU NEED TO PURSUE YOUR DREAMS

You need to at least try things to see how high you were meant to fly. And you can’t do that standing on the ground. People don’t try because they are afraid to fail. But you get more out of life when you fail often and when you fail big.

This sounds counterintuitive. But you must go for it. No one succeeds on their first attempt. Often the people who accomplish much are the stubborn ones, or even the stupid ones, who try and fail, over and over again.

YOU HAVE TO GO FOR IT – AND KEEP GOING FOR IT

Most people stop because failure hurts. This life is a long-distance race. All long-distance runners come to the point in the race where the pain reaches its apex. At that point, you can easily alleviate the pain by just stopping. Quit the race, stop the pain. But the winners know they must run through the pain to finish the race. 

So pursuing these dreams guarantees you will suffer failures. Failures generate pain, which is burdensome because your own actions created it. But to become a success, you must fight through the pain. Why is it like this? This is life and how you choose to live it.

And most of your dreams, if not all of them, will die at some point. The death being painful, so painful at times that you feel you cannot go on, but you do. Because that is how life works. And some people will fulfill their dreams and go on to do great things. We are better off for those high achievers who wouldn’t have achieved, unless they tried, and failed at the beginning.

There is a risk of failure. There is also a risk of not trying. It is called “regret”. And regrets are lousy because they tend to be persistent and difficult to shake. I have a list of failures, things I tried, which never worked out. But someday, when I’m sitting in a nursing home, contemplating my life, I’m not going be saddened by my failures, and more importantly, I’m not going to be haunted by my regrets in these areas.

 YOU NEED TO PURSUE YOUR DREAMS. YOU NEED TO TRY

If you are young, you need to pursue these dreams with passion. If you are older, and winding down your life, you need to encourage the younger people in your influence to pursue their dreams.

I hope Shantelle follows my advice and sends her portfolio to an agency, just to see what happens. Probably nothing will, but she won’t know until she tries. If she doesn’t, she is still pursuing dreams in other areas of her life.

 

 

 

Winning At The Game Of Life

I was taking an early morning walk at the park. I spend most of my time on the walking trail, but I always take a lap around the tennis courts. I often play on these courts, but today I am just a spectator.

Only one of the ten courts was occupied, as it was already a hot morning.  As I walked along the courts, I thought it odd the people were playing on the far court, when all the closer courts were available.

I could not yet see the lone tennis players because the windscreen blocked my view. But I could tell by the constant chatter and laughter they were having a competitive match, and a good time to boot. However, I was stunned when I turned the corner and could watch them play.

There were two guys, in their 20s, maybe early 30s, and they were horrendous, awful tennis players. It was apparent they had never had a tennis lesson in their lives. I don’t think they had ever watched any tennis on television, or they would have at least had some idea on what a proper tennis stroke looks like. They exhibited all the grace and skill of two grandmothers playing badminton. I’m not a great tennis player, but I could have defeated either of them playing left-handed. Really.

However, they were evenly matched, which is beneficial for tennis partners. They both hit the ball the same way – which was horribly. The match was indeed competitive. They were trying hard to win, despite their lack of ability. And they were having a blast – laughing hard and frequently at their terrible, errant shots. It was as if they had no idea how badly they were playing, and didn’t really care.

As I turned to head back to the walking track, I smiled as I tried not to laugh out loud at the woeful attempt at tennis I had just witnessed.

But then that inner voice, that always seems to irritate me, asked me a question:

Hey Don, do you have that much fun when you play tennis?

“Well, no, I don’t.”                                          

Why?

“I guess sometimes I have trouble controlling my backhand. On certain days the backhand goes everywhere but in. I expect every backhand I hit to be an excellent shot, and when that doesn’t happen, I can get irritated and annoyed. My tennis partner no doubt gets tired of hearing my constant whining.”

So, these two awful tennis players enjoy their time on the court much more than you do?

Uh, yeah ….

Then you may be better at the game of tennis, but those two guys are better at the game of life

The Game of Life

Wouldn’t we all be better off if instead of getting upset at the shots we hit out, we rejoice at the shots we hit in? Perhaps winning at the game of life is all about managing expectations. We live with all these expectations for our accomplishments, career, income, wealth, children, spouse, other people, co-workers, lifestyle, etc., etc., etc.  Lots of high expectations.

How much more satisfying would our lives be if we set expectations at the realistic level in all areas? Of course, in most situations we would have to lower our expectations. And I don’t know how you set proper expectations and still have the motivation to achieve things. But I am learning. I set high expectations for my first two books and became distressed when they failed to achieve what I wanted. I even suffered a panic attack in May 2018 due to this. I don’t have any expectations for my third book. I delight in each book sold. This time, I don’t even care what the critics say about my book. I know that the writing is the best I have ever done. And I am happy, much happier than I was during my first two book launches. I am still motivated to sell as many books that I can, not for the money, but for the challenge.

Laughing At Yourself

Being able to laugh a lot is a great trait to possess; however, the ability to laugh at yourself is precious. Of course, my humor blog attests to the fact that I do that well, but I don’t do it as well as my friend, Lynn.

Lynn entertains her Facebook friends with lengthy, hilarious narratives of her foibles and quirks in dealing with her household tasks and crazy life. From the outside, you would not be impressed with Lynn’s life. Like all of us, she has made some bad choices, and life has dealt her some challenges on top of that. But she doesn’t care one bit what you or anyone else thinks about her. You can’t judge her, because she refuses to put her life on trial.

Despite that, Lynn attacks life with gusto. She extracts the maximum enjoyment out of the life she has. Lynn wouldn’t trade her life for yours, because it doesn’t matter. She would be able to extract the same amount of joy out of life, no matter the circumstances. I don’t get to see Lynn that often, be she is one of my most favorite friends. When I’m standing next to her, I feel better due to the positive energy she radiates.

Again, if you look at her status, her job, her life, you will not be impressed. But the woman is a winner — a winner at the Game of Life.

Winning This Game

To conclude, three rules for winning at the Game of Life:

1.    Extract as much enjoyment as you can out of everything you do.

2.    Set realistic expectations, yet stay motivated.

3.    Learn to laugh at yourself more often – don’t take yourself or life too seriously.