Remember Me

 Only two more days until I blow this joint. Got so lucky. They said first offense, I promised to make restitution, and boom—a ten‑day sentence. I’m going to get through this just fine.

(The jailer enters)

Jailer: Come on, let’s go.                 
                              

 Me: Go? I’m being released early?

Jailer: (scoffs) No. Didn’t they tell you? You’re being crucified today.

Me: Crucified? No, no, no. This was only a ten‑day sentence. They can’t crucify me.

Jailer: They’re killing some crazy prophet and another criminal. It’s a three‑cross setup, and they don’t like to leave that third cross open. Looks like we’re getting soft, so we have to fill that third cross. And you’re the worst guy in here, so let’s go.

Crucified? Crucified. I’m going to die today. I’m going to die. I’m not ready to die. I don’t deserve to die—not like this. They were supposed to let me go. All because of a crazy prophet—what crazy prophet?

Me: Those are the nails? Ah, nnh, huh, gah. That hurts. Ahh, no, no. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Soldier: Lift him up, boys. He’s the last one. Your work here is done until we take them down later, so don’t go too far away.

Man on the left cross: (to man on the middle cross) You stupid idiot! You deserved every bit of that flogging you got!

Me: Yeah, you crazy piece of crap!

Wait—just who is this guy? There are all these people here to watch him die? This is kinda sick. And it’s not enough that I have to get crucified, but now I’ve got this big crowd to witness it. Why all this attention for a crazy prophet? There is something posted above his head. What does it say? “This is Jesus, the king of the Jews”

 “This is Jesus! Whoa, that’s Jesus? I didn’t recognize him with his face bashed in. But this ain’t right. I stopped and listened to him one day. He talked about loving your enemies and forgiving those who abuse you. He said the Kingdom of Heaven is near and I could get there by believing in Him and repenting of my transgressions.

I thought it was all bull$h!+, but you can’t just crucify someone for that. Who gets killed for telling people to love each other? This ain’t right. I mean, I did commit a crime, but him—he did nothing wrong. I even heard rumors that he healed some people. I even heard he said he was the Son of God.

Man on the middle cross: Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.

What—what? Forgive them? I can’t forgive them – how can he possibly forgive them? This is crazy talk—maybe he is crazy. But that’s what he preached, right? That’s what he said before, and that’s what he just did. Whoa. Maybe it’s not all bull$h!+.

Think. Think. Kingdom of God. Repentance of sin. Son of God. Maybe—just maybe—I got one last shot. I got one last hope.

Man on the left cross (to man on the middle cross): Hey, they say you’re the Messiah. If you’re so special, save yourself—and us while you’re at it.

Me: Dude, shut the #*!% up! Do you not fear God since you are being punished? We are getting what we deserve, but this guy is innocent.

Me: HEY, HEY, Jesus!!!

Man on the middle cross:  Yes?

Me: I heard you teach about the Kingdom of God one time. How does that work?

Man on the middle cross: I’m telling you the truth. If you hear me, believe me, and believe God sent me, you have eternal life and will not be judged, but cross over from death to life.

Me: That’s what I want, man. That’s what I want. Jesus, REMEMBER ME, man. Please remember me. When you enter into your Kingdom – Remember me!

Man on the middle cross: Then, seriously, I assure you —later today, you will be with me in paradise.

Me: Thank you, Jesus! And well then… I guess I’ll see you later.

Wow. I feel so good. I feel so relieved. I feel so alive. Except… except… ahhhhh… uhhhh… uh—(gasp)