Acting Out Of Character

On my vacation in October, I read the book “YOU are a BADASS: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by Jan Sincero. I wasn’t really interested in becoming a bad@$$. I do frequently doubt myself, however. And claiming that I’m great? Well, uncomfortable – but lots more about that to follow.                                              

I selected this book because it is one of the most popular ones in the self-development/life-skills genre, somewhat similar to the content in Deep Heavy Stuff. This is research if I ever want to write a book containing deep, heavy stuff (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

“YOU are a BADASS” is a good read, and the author did convince me that anyone who has written three books is a bad@$$. But her most interesting concept was how your parents had a negative impact on some aspects of your character/personality. It’s not that your parents intentionally taught you bad behavior. But in teaching you what they believed was good behavior, they inadvertently taught you things that are holding you back and preventing you from becoming a bad@$$.

For example, let’s say you are a guy and your father taught you that a man should never ask anyone for help. The benefit is that you learned to be resourceful, independent, and hard-working. However, as an adult, you never ask for help, even when you desperately need it. You will even refuse help when offered, no matter your circumstances. These traits, both the good and the bad, became ingrained in you and became part of your character.

To become a true bad@$$, the author says you must identify these negative aspects and strive to overcome them. In other words, retain the positive parts of your personality and mitigate the negative ones. This is extremely difficult to do since it requires you to act, by definition, out of character.

As I pondered this concept on the beach, I concluded it was valid, and I already knew one thing my dad had instilled in me that was having a negative impact. Growing up, I was never allowed to brag about my accomplishments. Heck, it was forbidden to even talk about any successes.

This was the result of my father’s Pennsylvania Dutch heritage. The Pennsylvania Dutch are humble people. They are like Amish, only not afraid of modern life. Like the Mennonites but not as religious, and they dress better. I doubt there has ever been a famous Pennsylvania Dutch person because they would have had to do something that garnered them fame – and that would be not easy to deal with. Really awkward for the tribe.

My father’s teaching meant that I would not grow up to be arrogant, proud, boastful, haughty, etc. And I would not think of myself as better than anyone. The Pennsylvania Dutch are great people, and I love this part of my heritage. However, if a person has written three books, then it might be a hindrance if the author is reluctant to express positive thoughts regarding his writings.

So, right there on the beach, I decided I would post positive, bragging comments about my current book, “Turkey Terror At My Door!” on Facebook, once a day, the entire month of November. The thought of doing this caused me much anxiety, and I worried people would be offended, repulsed, and unfriend me on Facebook in droves.

Doing something “out of character” is extremely difficult to do. This is more than just stepping out of your comfort zone. Getting out of the comfort zone means doing stuff that makes you uncomfortable. Acting out of character is being different than who you actually are. And that creates tremendous, almost debilitating, anxiety.

Now, you may say, “Don, what’s the big deal with a little bragging?” That’s because it’s my hurdle, not yours. You have your own issues, buried inside your character, put there by your parents, that are totally different from mine. It would cause just as much anxiety for you if you tried to face it.

As November approached, my anxiety grew. I had severe doubts about doing this. I looked for reasons not to go through with it. I was so apprehensive, I asked my friend Janet what she thought about it, essentially asking for permission. She said I should definitely do the posts and then added, “But you won’t be able to come up with thirty things to brag about.”

Well if you want to motivate me, just tell me I can’t do something that I know I have the capability to accomplish. I decided this project was a “go”.

Still, on the morning of November 1, I sat there, for minutes, staring at the computer screen with the first post typed into the comment box. The internal conflict was intense. Doing something out of character is so psychologically disturbing. It shakes you to your core, and as I reached for the mouse, my hand was trembling. And then click, and this was posted:

Brag #1 - On vacation, I read the book, You Are a Badass. The author suggests doing stuff “out of character” because some things your parents taught you are holding you back. So, for a month, I’m going to brag, yes brag, about my book – my father would so much not approve. And, oh, yeah, Turkey Terror At My Door! is a tremendous book and you should read it.

On November 2, I followed up with this:

Brag #2 – When I released “Just Make Me A Sammich” in 2015, I didn’t think I could write any better than that! I laugh at myself now, because the writing in “Turkey Terror At My Door!” is so much better. And the good news is: I know I can still raise my game. Sammich is hilarious – but read the Turkey book!

And I posted my “brags” every day in November, concluding with:

Brag #30 – When I discussed my plan for bragging about Turkey Terror At My Door! every day in November with my good friend Janet she said “ Go for it! But surely you can’t come up with 30 things about the book to brag about.” Even my friends underestimate my creative capabilities. (Keyboard drop). This concludes the “bragging project”. #badassauthor #readthebook.

The anxiety diminished each day. In the beginning, I was so distressed about how people might react that I considered checking my Facebook friend count daily to see how many people were jumping ship. At some point, I realized if people rejected me for my self-promotion, they were never on my team to begin with. And if this is the case, then get your sorry-@$$ off the train because you are slowing me down. 

I’m not sure completing this project makes me a bad@$$, although the book's author would indeed say so. I don’t think I sold any more books directly from the bragging posts, but that was never the purpose. However, at a craft fair in late November, I sold more books than I had at any event ever. Could it be that I was exuding more confidence and, dare I say it, pride in my books? If so, those people were dealing with a true bad@$$.