Because someone, somewhere, needs to hear this …
In the spring of 2018, Joe Burrows was told he would not be
the starting quarterback for Ohio State the upcoming season.
The message was clear: “You’re not good enough”
But Burrows didn’t believe them. He transferred to LSU
where he was good enough to lead his team to the 2020 National Championship.
And, oh yes, in December 2019, the Heisman voters not only thought he was good
enough, they deemed him the best.
Throughout our lives, we will hear the same message
repeated:
“You’re Not Good Enough”
Oh, they won’t say it that bluntly. “Not good enough” is
expressed in many different forms:
I don’t love you anymore
We’ve decided to go another direction
You’re going to assist Jim on this project
You didn’t get the job
Better luck next time
I want a divorce
Your contract has not been renewed
We’re breaking up
Your performance didn’t measure up
You’re cut
You have failed to meet expectations
We’re going to have to reject your ….
We have no interest in your …..
Don’t call us
You’re fired
We’ve eliminated your position
We’ve all heard these and failure is a part of life. But …….
You don’t let other
people decide if you are good enough
YOU DETERMINE IF YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH
IT IS YOUR’S - NOT “THEIRS”!
Many times, when you are told: “You are not good enough,” it’s
not even true.
Why?
Because people can be:
- Vindictive
- Irrational
- Stupid
- Self-seeking
- Biased
- Ignorant
- Mean
- Just
plain wrong
Remember, not everyone has your best interest at heart.
Sometimes, not even your boss, your friends, your family … your spouse.
There is a fine line between self-doubt and self
actualization. Don’t let the haters
shove you across it.
We allow people to stick that “not good enough” label on us
like a piece of feces that we carry around with us for a long time. It can stay
stuck on some people for their entire lives.
When we let it stick, it paralyzes us with self-doubt and a
negative self- image. And once it’s on us, it can be hard to wash off. If the
comments were made by your parents, lover or someone you highly respect, it might
take counseling to wipe the stink off. If it is not as resilient, you still
need the help of your friends to get clean.
And that’s where the “Be There” of my last post becomes
real and practical.
Over the last several months, I have long, difficult
discussions with three friends who were devastated because they were told “you’re
not good enough” by their bosses. They all needed affirmation that they were
put in unfair situations at work, and basically set up for failure.
It’s difficult to overcome being told you're not good
enough, but this is how it’s done:
In a 15-month span, in 2015-16, Raheem Mostert was cut by
six NFL teams. In effect, he was told he was not good enough six times by six different
coaches.
Heck, one of those teams was the Cleveland Browns, the
worst team in the league. A team that only won one game that entire season.
When a team that awful says you’re not good enough, you really have to think
about quitting. But:
YOU DETERMINE IF YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH - Not anyone else.
Mostert didn’t quit. He thought he was good enough to play
in the NFL. He didn’t listen to those other six teams. And he was right. As a
San Francisco 49’er he became the first running back in history to run for at
least 200 yards and four touchdowns in the 2020 NFC championship game.
And there are those instances where “You’re not good
enough” really means – “You’re not good enough, yet.” Except the people giving
you the news don’t include the “yet” part. Because they don’t want to help and
encourage you. They simply want you to go away. So, sometimes hearing those
words, but not believing them, creates an intense motivation to improve and
succeed. Mostert kept the exact cut
dates in an app on his phone as motivation and no doubt Burrow felt he had
something to prove to himself and others also.
This is not to say you can do anything if you just try hard
enough. This is not one of those rah-rah, “you have the potential to achieve
anything” motivational speeches. This is just deep heavy stuff. Which means sometimes
“they” are correct, you are truly “not good enough” for the task at hand.
Unless you are exceptional, you do have limits. But the
only way to determine if you are truly exceptional is to challenge those
limits. You’ve got to test the limits of your capabilities. Test, test often.
Test every day. Which means pushing back, sometimes pushing back hard, when
“they” tell you “you’re not good enough”.
Don’t let someone who cares nothing – NOTHING – about you,
divert you from the path you have chosen. You are the captain of this ship – you
steer it where you want it to go. And
you don’t stink. You just need all that crap that people have thrown at you
washed off.
YOU DETERMINE IF YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH – YOU, YOU ALONE
Well said, Don!We need to re-define "failure" and take the negative connotation away from it. Or, the "stick of the stink," in your parlance. Thank you for addressing such an important topic.
ReplyDelete>>There is a fine line between self-doubt and self actualization. Don’t let the haters
ReplyDeleteshove you across it.<<
Well said.