(This one will make more sense if you read Part 1 - The Nemesis, first.)
It was supposed to be such a delightful evening -- the first banquet event of the post-pandemic era. A chance to see some old friends, enjoy a great meal and learn more about a charity I had supported for years. But now, I sit only twenty feet from my nemesis -- a person who had done me wrong years ago.
I know he is right over there at the table behind me, and I
know he has seen me. I’m easily in his field of vision. And now my emotions are spinning, trying to
figure out what to do.
What should I do? What should I do? I feel like
I need to do something, but what?
I am highly agitated, and I can’t calm down. My thinking
goes like this - If he does not acknowledge me, then why should I acknowledge
him? I’m just going to pretend he isn’t there, and we can both ignore this
elephant in the room. Hey, it’s a banquet hall; there is plenty of room for me,
him, and that elephant.
And that works for me. I calm down and enjoy my meal,
having a great time reminiscing with some old friends at my table. Yes,
ignoring my nemesis was not difficult, and doing nothing was by far the
easiest thing to do. But in life, the
easiest thing to do is seldom the right thing to do.
As I mentioned previously (In Part 1), my wife seemed
highly entertained by the drama playing out that evening, and she continued to
play the role of agitator.
“He just walked right behind you,” she said.
“What???” I snapped back.
“Yeah, he went up to get his dessert and walked right
behind your chair”, she explained.
Due to Covid, the desserts were not by your plate, but on a
large table in the front corner of the hall. I looked back to where my
nemesis was seated, and sure enough, the shortest path between his chair
and the desserts ran right behind me.
I had been snubbed. Now to most people, this would be a
minor offense. But I have a personal fault when it comes to be snubbed. I am an
only child, which means I have a need to be the center of attention. If you
ignore me, it sets me off. It shouldn’t, but it does. So, my internal reaction
to being snubbed is:
OH, NO, YOU DON’T!
If my emotions were spinning before, now they had kicked up
to a higher gear. As the program for the evening started, I couldn’t
concentrate on anything else, because once again:
Well, you just got snubbed – what are you going
to do now?
And then this other voice inside my head suddenly joined the
conversation. I don’t know what this voice is. Some will say it is your
conscience. The Jesonians will say it is the SACRED FORCE. Maybe, I am just
insane (a real possibility).
Me: This has to stop! It’s
driving me crazy. This needs to end tonight.
The Voice: Yes, this does need to end tonight, and you know
how to end it, don’t you?
Me: Yes, I do know how to end it, but that
ain’t gonna happen. No way!
The Voice: Oh, then who’s going to be the bigger man
tonight?
Me: I don’t care about being the bigger man.
Even if I did do the right thing, he would still think he is the bigger man
because he has an enormous ego. Why it’s bigger, bigger, than ..
The Voice: Yours?
Me: Yes, even bigger than mine. But I still
don’t care at all about being the bigger man. Nice try, but I ain’t budging.
The Voice: Alright then, who’s going to be the better man?
Me: Once again, that doesn’t matter. I am so
clearly the better man. This is not up for debate. If you asked 100 people that
know us both, I am confident 97 would say I am the better man, and the other three
would be wrong.
The Voice: Okay, so let’s say you are the better man. What
would the better man do tonight?
Me: Ohhh, aaahh, ehhh, uhh, hmm … Yes, I know
the answer to that one. I guess, I could, possibly consider it ….
The Voice: That’s good. Of course, if your nemesis would happen
to do the right thing before you do, that would make him the better man,
wouldn’t it?
Me: OH, THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. This is going
to end tonight, as soon as I can end it.
The Voice: Thought you might see it my way … I’m out of
here ….
Me: Well played, voice in my head, well played.
And as soon as the program ended, I walked over, smiled,
and extended my hand. The smile? No, I wasn’t happy to see him. I was smiling
because the better man was doing the better thing.
My nemesis still was nervous in
my presence. There was no “how have you been” chit-chat. Instead, he
immediately diverted the conversation into an area of mutual, impersonal
interest. We talked for a couple of minutes before someone else approached him.
Strangely enough, this was the best conversation I have ever had with my
nemesis.
The next day I notified three friends, who know all the
history involved with us, that I had shaken hands with my nemesis.
Joe, who is a positive guy, replied with: “I’m proud of
you!”
Sam’s reply was a sarcastic “Way to go! You did a great job
with your restraint”. Which is Sam’s way of saying, “I’m glad you didn’t punch
him in the face.”
However, Karl’s reply was not as pleasant: “Spit in your
palm first?”. Now you might think Karl was joking, but I assure you, he was
not. But Karl is not alone in his disgust. Sam told me that several years ago,
one of his friends encountered my nemesis in a store parking lot. That
chance meeting resulted in a threat of gun violence and the police being
summoned. Now you may understand why I thought this whole incident was worth
writing about.
When you leave the past behind – Larry Norman
Somehow, I ended up doing the right thing even though I
didn’t want to. Maybe it’s a sign of maturity. Perhaps it reflects the gleaned
wisdom of now knowing what is the right thing to do. Or it could mean that as
we age, we realize it’s not worth hanging on to the resentment generated by
grudges long in the past.
I now have one fewer nemeses, and it feels good. Unfortunately,
there are still a couple more out there somewhere. I’m not likely to ever
encounter them again, but if I do, I hope I am able to handle it this well.
