Faith Is Deep, Heavy Stuff

My previous post, “The Door,” details my struggles as I pray for something for ten years, and ultimately receive a positive outcome. I wrote it in the form of an allegory because this blog is not about me – it’s about you. Sometimes I must write about painfully personal things to give an example, which often makes me uncomfortable.

If I just told this story straight on, you would be tempted to think, “Wow, that Don is such a great spiritual man, doing all that praying and getting an answer. Or, if you are a detractor, “Look at him bragging about how his prayers get answered. What an arrogant blowhard.”

But it would be best if you didn’t look at it either way. I don’t view it as such. It’s kind of embarrassing to me. It took me ten years of praying for something that was not onerous, to finally have it answered. If I was some highly spiritual person, it should take nearly that long. Maybe I was not that faithful, but persistent. That I just kept knocking long enough that perhaps THE CREATOR took pity on me and answered the prayer. (I wrote this part before coming to the conclusion at the end of this piece)

How does it feel to get your answer after praying for something for ten years? It’s not as good as you may think. It’s like fighting a long war. Even if you win, the greatest comfort is knowing that the conflict has ended, not so much the victory obtained. And in this case, I still had to wait several months to be sure the answer would hold.

Yes, the fact that my prayer was answered did strengthen my faith in THE CREATOR, but it also produced doubt in myself. Why did it take so long? What is my status when it comes to faith? And this faith thing is probably the most mysterious aspect in this particular spiritual realm. I’m sensing that no one truly understands it. If some guru says they do, they are lying. It is the deepest, heaviest stuff there is.

There Are Levels Of Faith

A reexamination of THE MAN’s proclamation of:

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

The example is figurative in nature. Comparing one of the smallest things the people were familiar with, a mustard seed, about .05 inches in diameter, to one of the largest, a mountain.

This passage is almost always presented and thought of in positive terms. Wow! You only need a tiny amount of faith to do great things. So, get out there and move some mountains. But in context, this is not an affirmation, but a condemnation.

THE MAN is explaining, maybe admonishing even, to his cohorts why they couldn’t accomplish the task at hand. The entire verse reads:

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

So, the answer to my question: Why did it take nearly ten years to accomplish a very reasonable outcome? is precisely the same:

“Because you have so little faith.”

But now I understand, this is not the right question to ask. Because faith is not static. Perhaps, it is like the stock market, in that as you buy into THE CREATOR in thoughts and deeds, your faith increases. When you sell out those concepts, your faith falls.

Most of us overestimate our amount of faith. We compare our faith with that of others. If we perceive our faith to be greater than most, we deem it sufficient. We then justify there is no need for change, and we sleep well at night. But that is a faulty scale.

The gold standard, though, remains this:

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

You may believe your faith is sufficient. That it has to be as much as the proverbial mustard seed, but: How many mountains have you moved recently? How many mountains have you moved in your life?

But we can’t give up, right? Because our faith is not static. You always have the opportunity to add to your faith, and when you do, some mountains move. Because the quote stated above is either true, or it’s not.

My question resulting from my experience from “The Door” post is not:

Why did it take ten years to get an answer?  

But something much deeper and heavier …..

Why was this prayer answered at that point in time? Or maybe, why was it answered at all?

Well, in “The Door” I talk about the devastating effects that happened around the end of year eight. Unfortunately, I cannot provide the details of this situation without violating others privacy. But a mistake was made, which had horrible consequences and severely damaged the process, wiping away any progress made previously.

Yet, despite the horrible results of this action, I was somehow able to see the one flicker of hope it had provided. In the 99% of darkness, I was able to see the 1% of light. And I acted quickly and forcefully. If you need a working definition of faith that you can understand – there you go.

At that moment, my amount of faith went from smaller than a mustard seed to equal to a mustard seed. Several months later, the door swung wide open. I was astounded at how easily the mountain moved.

But don’t think for a moment think I have this figured out. I still have mountains that I want to move. I just need a few more mustard seeds.